Pride and Prejudice

I recently just started reading "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. There are a lot of social and complex issues I have noticed even at the very beginning of this book. One main one is the idea that women are nothing if they don't get married. I find this a very unjust issue that doesn't seem fair at all. In the book Mrs. Bennet is running around trying to find her daughters men to marry, it's all she really seems to care about. I know that in that time period women were considered just people of the house and all they did was look pretty and cook and clean, but why should it be that way? I mean in my mind I feel like that's really unfair. Maybe I'm wrong though because it didn't actually seem that wrong to these women. I don't see any of the daughters really doing anything about the fact that their mother is setting them up with men, they actually seem to enjoy it, maybe that's because that's all they have to live for or else they're considered trash and looked down upon. In that time period I guess it didn't seem bad I mean I'm sure that we are doing things in our society right now that's considered normal that one day people will look back on and think oh my gosh wow they did that?

I think that when you grow up in a society and things are they way they are you just sort of go along with it. I feel like that's what's happening here on top of the fact that they would be looked down upon if they didn't marry. When something is so set in stone for you at such a young age and you are made to believe that that's all you have to live for, then you go along with it because you think that's what's right. I think that that's what's happening to these girls. They are being treated like dirt but they don't even know it. I'm wondering if anyone of these daughters is going to think twice about the whole thing. I would hate to be forced to marry someone especially if I barely knew them and I was so young, or would I just think that's the way life was?

I can already sort of tell one of the daughters Elizabeth is a little suspicious about the whole marriage thing but she doesn't really say anything, maybe it's because I'm really not that far into the book but I also think it's because she's scared. I mean I would be terrified to actually speak my mind about the whole issue. You would not only be really looked down upon because you didn't want to marry but you would also be looked down upon by your family, especially your mother who is probably the most involved in finding you a husband. It's crazy cause women in that time probably wouldn't think to speak up but I hope Elizabeth does because it's important that women have a voice in life and in picking a husband.

I'm curious to find out what happens next. I think that one of these daughters will say what they actually think. Isn't marriage supposed to be about love, not so you will be accepted in society? I guess times really do change. I wonder if Elizabeth will start to change society in this book.

Run The Game Part 2

I am still reading “Run the Game”  by Jason Myers. On my last post I was talking about love at first sight and whether or not Alexander and Patti were actually in love or if it was just some dumb little fling. They are still together so I guess I’ll have to keep reading and figure out what happens.

There are other ideas in this book though. Alexander and his friends and Patti whom might I add is only 14, do a lot of drugs and drink way too much even though they are underage. I mean it brings up a lot of questions in my mind, like why do they do so many harmful drugs like cocaine, speedball(which is a mix of heroin and cocaine), and meth, and pot, and act like it’s no big deal and barely address it when actually it is kind of a big deal. I mean maybe doing these drugs like sometimes, or only like once or twice would be ok(although it also isn’t good for you) except these people in the book literally do it all day 24/7. Every scene of this book involves the characters doing drugs. It makes me wonder what kind of message this is sending to a younger audience, who I hope wouldn’t be doing cocaine and heroin at this age! I mean the author makes it seem like it’s no big deal, and kind of like it’s fun. Maybe it is appealing to these characters, but not addressing it at all seems a little weird on the authors part. I mean what do people think about this? Is it really ok to project serious issues like alcoholism and drug use like it’s no big deal? I sort of feel like it shouldn’t be swatted away. After a while of reading the book you sort of get used to them doing all these drugs and it doesn’t even seem that important anymore, when reality all this stuff can be very harmful in some cases.

Sometimes in books and movies I feel like important issues like drugs, sex, alcoholism ect. are sort of put to the side in order to make it more interesting and to stick to the plot, and no I don’t want to be reading a book or watching a movie where all it talks about is why you shouldn’t do drugs because that’s dumb and boring, but then again if it’s not a actually issue or plot point in the story why put it in there. I’m actually curious. I mean in this book “Run the Game” it is very entertaining, not just because they are doing drugs and whatever but that I guess is one of the reasons. Why are we as people so intrigued about things like drugs and sex? I mean my questions are a little out there but they are valid. This book is pretty graphic and gross and has a lot of bad messages but yet still I’m reading it and I find it interesting and entertaining. Is it because of my age? Why am I so curious about all this stuff, maybe because this is the time in your life when you start being introduced to all these things.

This book is interesting and weird and I want to know what people have to say. I wonder if these drugs will have an effect on Alexander at the end of the book-somehow I highly doubt it. 

Run The Game

I am currently reading the book “Run the Game” by Jason Myers. This book is mainly about a boy named Alexander who is a messed up 19 year old kid that does way too many drugs, drinks a lot, and does meaningless things with girls he doesn’t care about. He is in a band but other then that doesn’t really know where he is going with his life. To make money he prostitutes himself at a place called the A-lot. Alexander’s life is pretty much going down hill in his opinion until he meets Patti. He instantly falls in love with her even though he barely knows her. She is 14, tough, cute, and also works at the A-lot, the place where they met. Alexander has never felt this way before. This book is about love at first sight and the costs that come with it.

In the book Alexander has always fooled around with tons of girls in lots of ways but never really felt anything real. When he sees Patti for the first time he lights up inside and for some reason he just knows. I’m wondering is there really such a thing as love as first sight or is it all just a big load of cliché stuff that isn’t true at all? I mean I like the idea of love at first sight and it sounds all amazing and romantic except really does it happen? Maybe you can’t ever know until it happens to you. I don’t know. Even though Alexander and Patti do end up falling in love I also wonder if what they are feeling is real, or if it’s just like in the moment crazy talk. There are many obstacles in their relationship. One being she is 14 and he is 19, another that they both are very young and poor and both work in the A-lot when money is running low, and finally one of Patti’s 40 year old “clients” claims to be in love with her and is very creepy and is a stalker. If they are able to stay together by the end of the book I will know that maybe they really are truly in love. On the other hand they have already had lots of fights and because of all the obstacles it might be very hard to stay together. I mean if you are really actually in love with someone how much would you be willing to do for them? How far would you be willing to go to protect them? I think that Alexander is willing to do anything for her. He has even said it himself in the book.

Alexander and Patti are love birds but for ever is the question? How could you know that you really love someone at 14!? Especially when the person you think you love is 6 years older and the both of you are always drunk and high on some sort of drug. Love should be special and sweet and romantic. Not a 14 year old girl doing drugs and other things with a 19 year old boy. It kind of disturbs me because Patti is about my age and I would never do anything of the things she is doing right now. But on the other hand who am I to judge I haven’t been in love so what do I know? One thing I do know though is that both are headed down bad paths and I wonder where all this is going to lead them.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian

I just finished reading “The absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian.” By Sherman Alexie. This book was mainly about a boy named Junior who is growing up on the Spokane Indian reservation. Born into a very poor family, he battles friendship, growing up, and learning to fit in and find his way. When he decides to leave the reservation and attend a school where it is all white kids, some people from home look down on him, especially his best friend Rowdy. Junior learns that maybe what he thought his life was going to turn out to be was wrong. He realizes that you only get one life, and if that means leaving the only place you know to find who you are, it’s worth it.

In this book there are a lot of ideas about setting yourself free and doing what you actually believe in. In the book Junior has grown up on this sad, poor reservation, watching his father be a drunk who didn’t fu-fill his dream of becoming a musician and watching his mother who is extremely smart but couldn’t go to college because she was too poor. Also Juniors sister just sits in their basement all day doing nothing because she is out of school but has no job or boyfriend or anything. Seeing all this makes him just feel like he is going to be a failure too so he prepares himself for the worst. When you are surrounded by people who don’t push themselves and don’t try it temps you to do the same, no mater if it’s in life or a school project. If one person gives up everyone else is just like well I might as well give up too. I feel for Junior because he is really smart and in the beginning of the book he kind of just goes along with his life, when in the back of his mind he knows he has to get off this reservation and into the real world. It’s really hard sometimes when you know that you belong somewhere else(just like junior) but you don’t know how to get there. It’s scary when you have known something all your life and watched people around you give up, but in your heart you know that you can do better then them.

Finally when Junior makes the decision to attend a really good school a little bit off the reservation, filled with only white kids, it’s a big scary step for him. Even though his parents support him, lots of other people don’t. People on the “rez” look down on him and think he is betraying them, and their culture, and everything they have always known. The thing is I understand that they might feel that way, but how dare they when they are all failures themselves. It makes me really angry because this kid is actually trying to do something with his life and he is the only one that was brave enough to step off this reservation, so how can they get mad at him for wanting to achieve things in life? That would make me really mad if I were Junior. What would you do if you really believed you had to do something, but all the people that you knew, totally went against you? I understand that the people living on the reservation might feel like white people were terrible to Indians so how could Junior leave, but the thing is he they aren’t seeing what’s really important here. What’s really important is the fact that Junior actually decided to be different and accomplish something in life, even though all the people around him didn’t.

This is a really amazing book filled with humor but also really important lessons about life in general. Even though Junior goes through some struggles he makes it through and maybe even changes the ways of his reservation. 

The Perks of being a Wallflower

I just finished reading “The perks of being a wallflower” by Stephen Chobsky. This book is definitely now one of my favorites. In this book Charlie the main character is writing letters to an unknown person about his life. You can always tell from the beginning there might be something a little off about Charlie but you don’t know why. This book follows Charlie through his first, tough year in high school, the friends he makes, and the ones he doesn’t. We are also brought into the world of his family which is also a little messed up at times. His world explores girls, drugs, dating, but most importantly trying to fit it and still be true to yourself. Charlie is an unusual kid, who has special adventures through high school, and trying to find himself.

In life there are many issues about fitting in and being a part of something. When Charlie makes these friends who are sort of different from everyone else, who are also seniors it changes him. For once in his life he feels like he can actual feel and think the things he wants to without being put down for them. Charlie has never really been accepted for who he is, he has also sort of just been well a wallflower. Sometimes it’s really hard to find yourself and who you are at such a young age. It’s even more difficult to be trying to figure yourself out, but at the same time fit in. Kids every so often choose to be something they’re not to fit in, instead of being who they are to make a difference. Charlie suddenly found himself in a new light with people that loved him for him. He found people that let him in. That was really powerful to see.

In the book you watch Charlie become and try all these different things but he still manages to stick to his friends and himself. Even though he is kind of a funny kid who is reading constantly, and is very young spirited in a way, he still is doing all these things, like kissing, drugs, girls. I think all these experimental things have to do with identity. Identity also has a lot to do with “fitting in” and being accepted. When do you really know who you are? Sometimes you might wonder to yourself are there people out there like me? Are there people out there who will let me in because I am me? Even now I do feel accepted and I do have friends, but there are always times when I feel like wait, like who am I? I am a different person from all these other people, but still somehow we manage to come together as one and accept each other. I think other people are also definitely apart of your identity. In the story Charlie makes these friends who are like him in some ways and not like him in other ways. After he makes these friends they become some of the most important people in his life. In a way they help make up who Charlie is now.

Another idea in this book and the world that relates to the idea of fitting in and identity, is change. As you get older you change emotionally, physically, and mentally. When you do different things when you get older like drugs and dating ect. it makes up the kind of person you are in that moment. When you were a child and you sang and danced and played in the playground, that was what made up the kind of person you were then. I wonder do you lose those old things? Do the new things and experiences take place of the old you, or do they just add on? Charlie is trying all these things he never knew or thought about, and he approaches them in a very child like manner. I wonder does the fact he tried new things and made new friends change him as a person, or do they jus make up more of him. I think you are still the old you in a way but you are also someone new and different who has done new things and had cool new experiences. I think all of the memories in your life, and the kind of books you read, and the music you listen to, and the friends you make, whether it’s now in the moment or back then make up your whole you-your whole identity.

Charlie changes from kid to teenager to kid again and back to teenager. It’s so interesting to see Charlie go through the things he does with the people he does it with. Even though he is still young he is old in some ways. But he is also very childlike in others. I loved this book with all my heart. It’s really heartfelt, sad, and happy. You watch Charlie find himself and his people, while learning to do that for yourself along the way.

The adoration of Jenna Fox

I am currently reading the book “The Adoration of Jenna Fox” by Mary E. Pearson. This book is mainly about a girl named Jenna who is in a car accident. When she awakens from a year long coma she doesn’t remember anything about her life. Who she is, who her family is, who her friends are(if she had any), and anything about the accident. Jenna’s parents give her home videos of her life in chronological order up until year 16. Jenna watches the video’s. At first Jenna remembers nothing but slowly some very strange memories start coming back to her that usually normal people wouldn’t remember, such as being baptized. Jenna is very confused about what is happening and who she is. Jenna also has a very complicated relationship with her parents. In this book there are many internal and external conflicts. Some with her parents and some within herself.

There are a couple external conflicts within the story, involving Jenna’s parents especially her mother. When Jenna first wakes up she doesn’t know who her own mother is. Imagine waking up one day and not knowing who your own mother is. It would be pretty scary for you and your mother. When Jenna first comes out of the coma her mother is desperate to help her try to remember things about her life. She is eager to help and protect Jenna. Her mother feels the need to shield Jenna from the rest of the world. On one hand I feel for the mother. How terrible would it be to have a child that doesn’t remember you at all. I mean I think that I would be just as desperate to revive her memory. In life parents care so much about their children they are willing to do anything for them, but what are you supposed to do when you are put in that tough place, trying to get your child to remember you? I understand that her mother might be in denial about what has actually happened to her daughter and making sure where she is at every minute might be a way of coping.

On the other hand I feel more for Jenna. The reason I feel this way is because Jenna is thrown into this situation where this woman is hugging her and saying I love you, but she doesn’t exactly know who this woman is. Jenna has to call her mother and hug her back but only cause she doesn’t know what else to do. I don’t know what I would do if I was put in that position. Jenna knows that her mother desperately wants her to remember things about her life but it’s hard because at first she really doesn’t remember. She wants to please her mother but she doesn’t know how.

As the book progresses Jenna’s relationship with her mother becomes more heated. As Jenna also starts to remember more and more her relationship becomes even worse. Even from just watching the home videos Jenna can tell that her and her mother have a unspoken tension between them. As Jenna starts to remember more and more about her life she wants to know more and more about the accident. I think that the reason that her mother doesn’t talk about the accident is because she might also be in denial about this. I think it would be hard for anyone to have to sort of start their life over. If you were the mother of someone this was happening to, it would be painful to see your child not having any recollection of you or anything else. You might want to have a fresh start and forget the past. But I also feel like Jenna has a right to know what happened to her. If she ever got up the courage to just ask her mother about it, I wonder if her mother would tell her or not.

There are also a lot of internal conflicts in this story. One big internal conflict is that when Jenna watches all those home videos of herself as a child and a teenager she sees a perfect child. She sees a happy go lucky kid being filmed at soccer games, ballet recitals, and surrounded by friends. Seeing this smiling girl must make her feel really crappy. I mean Jenna isn’t this girl anymore. Watching the videos Jenna feels like an imposter. She feels like she doesn’t belong in her body. The girl she sees on the tapes and the girl whose body she’s in now are completely different. How would you feel if you felt like you didn’t belong. In the real world there are plenty of situations where you can feel like you don’t belong, at school, with your friends, if you’re in a weird situation with no one you know. Imagine feeling like you don’t belong on this Earth or in your body, not because of other people but because of yourself.

Jenna’s mother desperately wants her to be that girl again. That happy, pretty, smiling Jenna. But she isn’t. How would you feel if you felt like you had some one else’s shoes to fill. If your own parents were searching for a the old you. The old you, you can’t remember. In life mothers put pressure on you about lots of things, and there are lots of unspoken expectations with mothers sometimes. What if that unspoken expectation was to remember your old self and go back to your old self you don’t know. That would be pretty darn hard to do. I sympathize with Jenna because she wants to please her mother so very much but she can’t. It’s kind of like living in the shadow of someone else, but the shadow is also you. Jenna is kind of having an inner battle with herself about everything in her life. Was she meant to die? Was she even supposed to be on this earth anymore? Maybe that car accident was supposed to be the end for her, so how can she go on living like this?

Another internal conflict would be the fact that Jenna can’t remember the simplest things in life like the definitions of simple words. Memory is a pretty scary and amazing thing. Yes there are primary documents, and video tapes, ect. but how can you really be sure something happened? You can be sure something happened because you know it did in your mind, your memory. But what if none of that actually happened. It’s crazy to think about but what if everyone was like Jenna? What if once something happened it was gone forever from our minds. Jenna is having to look up the definitions of words she doesn’t remember. That’s crazy. It’s an internal conflict because she can’t remember things that she knows she knew before but can’t figure it out. It takes time just like anything else, but does she even know what time is? There are all these huge questions that are hard to answer but they are something to think about in terms of life and memory and moments.

Jenna is an interesting girl with lots of conflicts inside her and out. I wonder what will happen to her next as she tries to recall the events of her life. Will she ever remember them, or are they lost in a sea of past things that have vanished forever?

Am I Blue?

I just finished reading "Am I Blue?" by Bruce Coville. This story is mainly about a boy named Vince who is being bullied because he is gay. One day after being pushed down into a puddle by a bully, suddenly his "fairy godfather" appears and tells him he is there to grant Vince 3 wishes. At first Vince thinks he's going crazy and must be imagining it, but when his fairy godfather gets water on his pants and  with the snap of his fingers it goes away, it's almost like magic. His fairy godfather tells him his name which is Melvin and soon enough we find out Melvin is also gay. Melvin teaches Vince many things about life and being gay in general. Melvin shows Vince things he hasn't seen before.

In this story and in life there are a lot of ideas about how being gay is a bad thing. Society has come up with these ideas that are so generic. A man and a woman fall in love and marry, not people of the same sex. In this story Melvin talks to Vince about how gay people are forced to hide because society has made it such a bad thing. For ex. he says "If gay people hadn't been forced to hide for so long if we could just openly identify ourselves there would be plenty of people you knew that you could ask for advice. Everybody knows gay people they just think they don't." This is a powerful statement because what he is saying in my opinion is true. I mean why do we as people feel the need to push others, who might I add, are just like us, into categories based on who they love, what they look like, or what religion they practice. In this world many people are in denial about knowing gay people when really tons of people out there are.

In this story Vince is still trying to figure out whether or not he's gay. I think Vince himself might also be in denial about it. If people in this world were more accepting of one another, maybe kids like Vince would have an easier time admitting to themselves that they are in fact gay. If people in this world just accepted the fact that yes there are gay people in the world, and yes it's okay it would be easier, instead of forcing people to hide their identities.  For ex in the text another thing Melvin says to Vince is "So all the straights would have to stop imagining that they didn't know know gay people. They would find out that there are gay cops,teachers,soldiers,parents, and kids. The hiding would finally have to stop." Melvin is also proving some of my points in the sense that once again people are putting gays into categories based on certain things about them when really we should be realizing and accepting they are just like the rest of us they do jobs just like the rest of us do. We are all flawed, not because of religion, or race, or who we love, but because we are human.

In the story Vince is being bullied because he is gay. In the beginning of the story one of the first lines is the bully saying to Vince "You little fruit I'll teach you to look at me!" This really makes me wonder about this bully. Is he bullying Vince because he actually feels threatened by Vince? Is he bullying him because he has other issues with himself and is finding any reason to bully him, or is it because going back to the idea that all this kid's life (meaning the bully who's name is butch(ironic right) ) he has probably been taught that being gay is bad, being gay is being a sissy, being gay is being different. In life lots of kids don't like to stand out. They don't to look different or say something that people might disagree with. I think because all the his life Butch has grown up in a society(just like the rest of us) where the idea of being gay is a bad thing. I think that this is maybe the reason he could be bullying Vince.

In the story at the end Melvin is talking to Vince about gay fantasies. He says one of the gay fantasies is turning every gay person in the world the color blue, this way the rest of the world would be able to see who is gay and then they would have to realize there are plenty of people who are gay. As one of his wishes Vince makes that fantasy become a reality. He asks Melvin to turn all the gay people in the world blue and Melvin does. As his next wish Vince wishes to turn Butch the bully blue as well. When Melvin goes to do it there's one problem-Butch is already blue as the night sky. I think this is a huge moment in the story because you really never know who is gay or not. I think this is proving my point earlier because Butch probably did grow up all his life thinking being gay was a bad thing and bullying others is his way of dealing with it. It's definitely not a good way of dealing with it. Especially because in the story we learn that actually Melvin was actually killed by bullies( we don't know if they were gay or not.) Which is pretty awful.

Finally my last point is that Melvin uses the word faggot very casually. For example Melvin says "Listen honey the world is crawling with faggots." Vince looks shocked. Melvin then says "Taking language back is one way to jam up the grinder my friends and I call each other Faggot and queer . People do that because to take the words back. Society has made that word so ugly terrible but they shouldn't have to be such hateful words because we have made them to be. Those words should be able to be claimed back.

This story is very powerful and there are a lot of messages to the reader and Vince. He learned that society yes has made being gay a bad thing but he learned that there are a lot of people out there just like him he didn't know about before. Now Vince learned to accept himself more as a person while realizing that he's not alone.