The adoration of Jenna Fox

I am currently reading the book “The Adoration of Jenna Fox” by Mary E. Pearson. This book is mainly about a girl named Jenna who is in a car accident. When she awakens from a year long coma she doesn’t remember anything about her life. Who she is, who her family is, who her friends are(if she had any), and anything about the accident. Jenna’s parents give her home videos of her life in chronological order up until year 16. Jenna watches the video’s. At first Jenna remembers nothing but slowly some very strange memories start coming back to her that usually normal people wouldn’t remember, such as being baptized. Jenna is very confused about what is happening and who she is. Jenna also has a very complicated relationship with her parents. In this book there are many internal and external conflicts. Some with her parents and some within herself.

There are a couple external conflicts within the story, involving Jenna’s parents especially her mother. When Jenna first wakes up she doesn’t know who her own mother is. Imagine waking up one day and not knowing who your own mother is. It would be pretty scary for you and your mother. When Jenna first comes out of the coma her mother is desperate to help her try to remember things about her life. She is eager to help and protect Jenna. Her mother feels the need to shield Jenna from the rest of the world. On one hand I feel for the mother. How terrible would it be to have a child that doesn’t remember you at all. I mean I think that I would be just as desperate to revive her memory. In life parents care so much about their children they are willing to do anything for them, but what are you supposed to do when you are put in that tough place, trying to get your child to remember you? I understand that her mother might be in denial about what has actually happened to her daughter and making sure where she is at every minute might be a way of coping.

On the other hand I feel more for Jenna. The reason I feel this way is because Jenna is thrown into this situation where this woman is hugging her and saying I love you, but she doesn’t exactly know who this woman is. Jenna has to call her mother and hug her back but only cause she doesn’t know what else to do. I don’t know what I would do if I was put in that position. Jenna knows that her mother desperately wants her to remember things about her life but it’s hard because at first she really doesn’t remember. She wants to please her mother but she doesn’t know how.

As the book progresses Jenna’s relationship with her mother becomes more heated. As Jenna also starts to remember more and more her relationship becomes even worse. Even from just watching the home videos Jenna can tell that her and her mother have a unspoken tension between them. As Jenna starts to remember more and more about her life she wants to know more and more about the accident. I think that the reason that her mother doesn’t talk about the accident is because she might also be in denial about this. I think it would be hard for anyone to have to sort of start their life over. If you were the mother of someone this was happening to, it would be painful to see your child not having any recollection of you or anything else. You might want to have a fresh start and forget the past. But I also feel like Jenna has a right to know what happened to her. If she ever got up the courage to just ask her mother about it, I wonder if her mother would tell her or not.

There are also a lot of internal conflicts in this story. One big internal conflict is that when Jenna watches all those home videos of herself as a child and a teenager she sees a perfect child. She sees a happy go lucky kid being filmed at soccer games, ballet recitals, and surrounded by friends. Seeing this smiling girl must make her feel really crappy. I mean Jenna isn’t this girl anymore. Watching the videos Jenna feels like an imposter. She feels like she doesn’t belong in her body. The girl she sees on the tapes and the girl whose body she’s in now are completely different. How would you feel if you felt like you didn’t belong. In the real world there are plenty of situations where you can feel like you don’t belong, at school, with your friends, if you’re in a weird situation with no one you know. Imagine feeling like you don’t belong on this Earth or in your body, not because of other people but because of yourself.

Jenna’s mother desperately wants her to be that girl again. That happy, pretty, smiling Jenna. But she isn’t. How would you feel if you felt like you had some one else’s shoes to fill. If your own parents were searching for a the old you. The old you, you can’t remember. In life mothers put pressure on you about lots of things, and there are lots of unspoken expectations with mothers sometimes. What if that unspoken expectation was to remember your old self and go back to your old self you don’t know. That would be pretty darn hard to do. I sympathize with Jenna because she wants to please her mother so very much but she can’t. It’s kind of like living in the shadow of someone else, but the shadow is also you. Jenna is kind of having an inner battle with herself about everything in her life. Was she meant to die? Was she even supposed to be on this earth anymore? Maybe that car accident was supposed to be the end for her, so how can she go on living like this?

Another internal conflict would be the fact that Jenna can’t remember the simplest things in life like the definitions of simple words. Memory is a pretty scary and amazing thing. Yes there are primary documents, and video tapes, ect. but how can you really be sure something happened? You can be sure something happened because you know it did in your mind, your memory. But what if none of that actually happened. It’s crazy to think about but what if everyone was like Jenna? What if once something happened it was gone forever from our minds. Jenna is having to look up the definitions of words she doesn’t remember. That’s crazy. It’s an internal conflict because she can’t remember things that she knows she knew before but can’t figure it out. It takes time just like anything else, but does she even know what time is? There are all these huge questions that are hard to answer but they are something to think about in terms of life and memory and moments.

Jenna is an interesting girl with lots of conflicts inside her and out. I wonder what will happen to her next as she tries to recall the events of her life. Will she ever remember them, or are they lost in a sea of past things that have vanished forever?