Non-Fiction post- "On Staten Island relentless bullying is blamed for a teenage girl's suicide"

In the article "On Staten Island relentless bullying is blamed for a teenage girl's suicide" Vivian Yee wants readers to know about an incident that happened at the train station just outside Tottenville High School in Staten Island, where a young girl named Felicia Garcia who had been bullied, jumped to her death in front of a train. Yee wants readers to be informed about how bullying can force young teens to do drastic and dangerous things that can result in death. She wants them to be aware of the dangers of bullying and how it can affect others and themselves. She also wants her audiences to try to understand better if the reason that Felicia committed suicide was only because of the fact she was being bullied, or something else too.  Finally she wants to help people realize that even though there are laws that require schools to develop policies to get rid of bullying and stop any harassment of students by other students things like this still happen.

In this article Yee wants readers to feel suspense and shock. Yee is able to capture these emotions by opening the article by saying "Felicia rarely cried, so when her friend saw her sobbing alone in a hallway between classes at Tottenville High School she knew something was wrong." This is giving us some suspense, we don't really know what's happening but the idea of bullying gets introduced at the very beginning. It makes you wonder why this poor girl is sobbing. Yee then goes on to state that two night before Felicia had posted this message on twitter "I can't I'm done I give up" this also is giving you suspense like what is going to happen. Yee makes you feel shocked because right after she informs you this girl had "given up" she tells the readers that Felicia had hurled herself in front of a train after school on Wednesday. The shock of the train hitting her is like a shock to the reader. It really makes you think about why she did it. Was it because of the fact that she was being bullied or was it something else? It makes you feel terrible that this poor 15 year old girl killed herself. It also makes me really mad, if she was being bullied why didn't any type of authority step in? Schools need to be more aware about what's going on.

Yee also makes you feel really sympathetic because on the front page of this article there is an image of two girls hugging each other right outside a makeshift memorial for Felicia. Seeing these two girls crying and holding each other it lurches something inside of you. This girl obviously had some people that cared about her but I guess she didn't know that. It's so sad to think that someone that young would think that suicide would be the right answer. I bet the author choose this image to display the hurt and sadness of this girls death in order to make you feel sad. Once again it also makes me feel upset that this girl felt like she had to hide all her feelings. For example in the article one of her friends said "If you tried to bully her she'd laugh at you"I don't know if this was a defense mechanism for Felicia or what. It just really makes you think about what some people could have done to prevent this from happening in the first place. It makes you feel angry that this happened at all.

Finally the other thing that Yee really makes you think about is who should be blamed? They really haven't identified one person who bullied her on a regular basis, and even if they did what would they do to that person. It really makes you think about the power of the internet and the power of words. In the article Yee states "It is not clear whether anyone will be disciplined in Felicia's case." It's awful to think that no one will really be punished for this, but on the other hand would it get through to the kids anyway? I don't know. It makes me feel like something needs to be done about this kind of thing. Lots of schools are aware of bullying but they don't know how to get through to the kids.

My ideas about bullying really haven't changed because of reading this article it made my opinions stronger. I think bullying is a terrible thing that needs to be stopped. Yee made me think a lot of things about suicide and why kids do it. After reading this article I feel like I need to do something to help administrators open their eyes. People need to be informed about the horrors of bullying and why it needs to be stopped now!

Becoming Chloe Part 2

I am still reading the book “Becoming Chloe” by Catherine Ryan Hyde. In this book the main character Jordy doesn’t have a lot of money and ends up living in this under ground cellar with this other girl he comes to know over time. This girls name is Chloe and there is something a little bit off about her. She is 18 years old but she is totally like a child. Jordy and Chloe become closer and suddenly he starts taking care of her like his child. It’s very strange.

This is making me think about responsibilities that we as humans have. I understand that in this book because Jordy and Chloe sort of live together and depend on each other I guess Jordy would feel like he has to protect her but then again it’s also kind of weird. They became so close so fast and they barely even know anything about each other, or about their pasts. On one hand if I were Jordy I might feel like I need to get a job and live my own life and not take care of this strange child like girl. On the other hand I can understand that maybe they are attached and he cares about her.

In this book Jordy and Chloe don’t have any kind of romantic relationship, it’s more like father and daughter. It’s weird that he suddenly took on that role in her life. It makes me wonder about her and what might have scarred her in the past to make her so child like in the present. I think that in life some people feel the need to take care of and protect others, even when they might need their own protecting. Now that Jordy knows that Chloe is childlike and maybe has something wrong with her he feels the need to help her. That shows that he is a caring person but it also shows that maybe he is taking on too much. If I were him before I started “looking after” Chloe I would find out more about her, more about what she’s been through.

I don’t know why there is something off about Chloe but there is. In the beginning of the book she was being sexually harassed but seemed completely unfazed. When Jordy tried to help her get to a clinic she said that kind of thing happens to her all the time and nothing bad has happened before. Even when she was telling him all this she seemed childlike and laughing and weird. I don’t know if it’s her childhood or what she has been through that makes her so strange but I want to find out more.

I don’t know If Jordy is going to continue looking after Chloe but in my opinion he needs to get his life together. Instead of worrying about some girl he barely knows he needs to worry about himself and what’s best for him. It sounds kind of mean but he doesn’t know this girl!

Becoming Chloe

Recently I have been reading the book Becoming Chloe by Catherine Ryan Hyde. In the first scene the main character Jordy is in a basement that leads to the street and he hears a girl getting sexually harassed above him. He doesn’t know what to do. He decides to say that he’s calling 911 but the main harassing her won’t know it’s him because he isn’t visible. It was definitely the right decision because the guys ran away and then girl jumped down into the basement to thank him. Situations like that can be really tough. It makes me think about being a bystander and what you’re supposed to do when you’re in a situation like that.

It was definitely the right move that Jordy said he was going to call the police because he couldn’t just stand there are listen while this poor girl was being sexually harassed. In the real world when things go on like bullying, or harassment people tend to sort of stay back and out of the way. I can understand why maybe they wouldn’t  want to involve themselves, but on the other hand it makes me feel like that person would be kind of heartless if they didn’t. How could Jordy not do something when a poor young girl was being harmed. People are supposed to look out for each other in this world right? They don’t always do it but they should. Even if those guys hadn’t run away when he said that he was going to call the police it would be worth the risk of Jordy getting hurt wouldn’t it?

People are so self involved in this world that they don’t always want to help even if they know they should. Some might say “it’s none of my business so why should I get involved” but at a certain point it becomes the person’s business. In my mind if something terrible is happening right it front of your eyes but you do nothing to stop it then the person who did nothing to stop it is just as guilty as the person who actually committed the crime.

If Jordy hadn’t done something to stop this man from pretty much raping this girl then what would have happened to her. It makes me wonder about her, is she used to stuff like this? Is this man much bigger then her so she feels like she can’t fight back? Why isn’t she trying to fight back? It’s obvious what was happening in that scene wasn’t her choice. People do terrible things to other people every day, whether it’s a little thing or a big thing it’s something. Next time I see someone doing something to someone then I’m going to step in.

Now I do think there is a line though. It really depends on what’s happening. If there is a small argument going on and it has nothing to do with you then don’t get involved because it’s none of your business and no body can fix everything. What I’m saying is think about the situation before stepping in. It’s very important to speak up when something dangerous is happening or someone is being harassed and bullied, but otherwise maybe you should stay out of it.

Life is going to throw you many things and you can choose your battles but just remember to step up to the plate when you see something going on right in front of your eyes you know is wrong 

Pride and Prejudice -answering a social action reading question

I am currently still reading pride and prejudice. One of the social action reading questions I was thinking about was everything about justice. What exactly is justice and does it always have to be a knight in shining armor slaying the dragon—no. In this book Elizabeth is struggling with her life and who she loves, if she wants to get married or not. Since I’m still reading the book I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m wondering is there really “justice to be served” in this book? I mean would Elizabeth doing what she wants in the end sort of be her justice? That’s what I’m thinking. I mean since the beginning her mother has been racing around and making judgments about men for her daughters to marry and if Elizabeth does something unexpected would that be like throwing it in her mother’s face to get her justice?

 All their mother does it try to get one of Elizabeth’s sisters to marry a man named Mr. Bingley and that’s literally all she seems to live for, I feel like if Elizabeth does something drastic it would kind of be like getting justice for all women in that time period. I mean as I was talking about in my last blog this is what all women seem worry and think about, is who they’re going to marry. In a way that’s all they do have to live for because if they didn’t then they would be looked down upon, but maybe if someone introduced them to a new way of life they might be able to feel like they had some freedom. What I’m trying to say is maybe all women would feel like they got some justice by realizing and knowing they had more of a place in life then to just marry and cook and clean. That would be like a bigger sort of justice and it might show their mother along with all men that women are just as important and that maybe they don’t even have to marry the first person who comes their way, or even anyone at all.

In a way since you’re mostly following Elizabeth’s story that you the reader would expect her to bring justice, but the outside world (inside the book) would not see her bringing justice. You would never really think that a girl from a family where all her sisters follow the rules of society and marry who their mother wants them to marry, would be the one to bring justice. I think the reason people wouldn’t expect it is because of the way society categorizes people and makes people seem one way just because of their race, or gender. For instance in this book you would never think of Elizabeth to bring justice really, but that’s only because of what she might come off to be in the book, to the other characters. This isn’t exactly fair but it’s just sort of how the world works, now I’m not saying she doesn’t have any of the traits that people think she has, because she is a very strong independent girl, but still people are so involved in their own personal gain they would never really think a girl like that would stand up and say what she wants to do in terms or marriage or anything else for that matter. 

Finally I think that in this book society, and Elizabeth's mother blocks justice. Since society has made up what a perfect girl should be like and do in that time period it's hard to go against it. I also think that since the mother has been dragged into what society has made her to believe is right-which is you have to marry to have a good life. In my mind I'm wondering who makes that decision and why? It's not fair shouldn't everyone get to decide things like that for themselves? 

Pride and Prejudice

I recently just started reading "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. There are a lot of social and complex issues I have noticed even at the very beginning of this book. One main one is the idea that women are nothing if they don't get married. I find this a very unjust issue that doesn't seem fair at all. In the book Mrs. Bennet is running around trying to find her daughters men to marry, it's all she really seems to care about. I know that in that time period women were considered just people of the house and all they did was look pretty and cook and clean, but why should it be that way? I mean in my mind I feel like that's really unfair. Maybe I'm wrong though because it didn't actually seem that wrong to these women. I don't see any of the daughters really doing anything about the fact that their mother is setting them up with men, they actually seem to enjoy it, maybe that's because that's all they have to live for or else they're considered trash and looked down upon. In that time period I guess it didn't seem bad I mean I'm sure that we are doing things in our society right now that's considered normal that one day people will look back on and think oh my gosh wow they did that?

I think that when you grow up in a society and things are they way they are you just sort of go along with it. I feel like that's what's happening here on top of the fact that they would be looked down upon if they didn't marry. When something is so set in stone for you at such a young age and you are made to believe that that's all you have to live for, then you go along with it because you think that's what's right. I think that that's what's happening to these girls. They are being treated like dirt but they don't even know it. I'm wondering if anyone of these daughters is going to think twice about the whole thing. I would hate to be forced to marry someone especially if I barely knew them and I was so young, or would I just think that's the way life was?

I can already sort of tell one of the daughters Elizabeth is a little suspicious about the whole marriage thing but she doesn't really say anything, maybe it's because I'm really not that far into the book but I also think it's because she's scared. I mean I would be terrified to actually speak my mind about the whole issue. You would not only be really looked down upon because you didn't want to marry but you would also be looked down upon by your family, especially your mother who is probably the most involved in finding you a husband. It's crazy cause women in that time probably wouldn't think to speak up but I hope Elizabeth does because it's important that women have a voice in life and in picking a husband.

I'm curious to find out what happens next. I think that one of these daughters will say what they actually think. Isn't marriage supposed to be about love, not so you will be accepted in society? I guess times really do change. I wonder if Elizabeth will start to change society in this book.

Run The Game Part 2

I am still reading “Run the Game”  by Jason Myers. On my last post I was talking about love at first sight and whether or not Alexander and Patti were actually in love or if it was just some dumb little fling. They are still together so I guess I’ll have to keep reading and figure out what happens.

There are other ideas in this book though. Alexander and his friends and Patti whom might I add is only 14, do a lot of drugs and drink way too much even though they are underage. I mean it brings up a lot of questions in my mind, like why do they do so many harmful drugs like cocaine, speedball(which is a mix of heroin and cocaine), and meth, and pot, and act like it’s no big deal and barely address it when actually it is kind of a big deal. I mean maybe doing these drugs like sometimes, or only like once or twice would be ok(although it also isn’t good for you) except these people in the book literally do it all day 24/7. Every scene of this book involves the characters doing drugs. It makes me wonder what kind of message this is sending to a younger audience, who I hope wouldn’t be doing cocaine and heroin at this age! I mean the author makes it seem like it’s no big deal, and kind of like it’s fun. Maybe it is appealing to these characters, but not addressing it at all seems a little weird on the authors part. I mean what do people think about this? Is it really ok to project serious issues like alcoholism and drug use like it’s no big deal? I sort of feel like it shouldn’t be swatted away. After a while of reading the book you sort of get used to them doing all these drugs and it doesn’t even seem that important anymore, when reality all this stuff can be very harmful in some cases.

Sometimes in books and movies I feel like important issues like drugs, sex, alcoholism ect. are sort of put to the side in order to make it more interesting and to stick to the plot, and no I don’t want to be reading a book or watching a movie where all it talks about is why you shouldn’t do drugs because that’s dumb and boring, but then again if it’s not a actually issue or plot point in the story why put it in there. I’m actually curious. I mean in this book “Run the Game” it is very entertaining, not just because they are doing drugs and whatever but that I guess is one of the reasons. Why are we as people so intrigued about things like drugs and sex? I mean my questions are a little out there but they are valid. This book is pretty graphic and gross and has a lot of bad messages but yet still I’m reading it and I find it interesting and entertaining. Is it because of my age? Why am I so curious about all this stuff, maybe because this is the time in your life when you start being introduced to all these things.

This book is interesting and weird and I want to know what people have to say. I wonder if these drugs will have an effect on Alexander at the end of the book-somehow I highly doubt it. 

Run The Game

I am currently reading the book “Run the Game” by Jason Myers. This book is mainly about a boy named Alexander who is a messed up 19 year old kid that does way too many drugs, drinks a lot, and does meaningless things with girls he doesn’t care about. He is in a band but other then that doesn’t really know where he is going with his life. To make money he prostitutes himself at a place called the A-lot. Alexander’s life is pretty much going down hill in his opinion until he meets Patti. He instantly falls in love with her even though he barely knows her. She is 14, tough, cute, and also works at the A-lot, the place where they met. Alexander has never felt this way before. This book is about love at first sight and the costs that come with it.

In the book Alexander has always fooled around with tons of girls in lots of ways but never really felt anything real. When he sees Patti for the first time he lights up inside and for some reason he just knows. I’m wondering is there really such a thing as love as first sight or is it all just a big load of cliché stuff that isn’t true at all? I mean I like the idea of love at first sight and it sounds all amazing and romantic except really does it happen? Maybe you can’t ever know until it happens to you. I don’t know. Even though Alexander and Patti do end up falling in love I also wonder if what they are feeling is real, or if it’s just like in the moment crazy talk. There are many obstacles in their relationship. One being she is 14 and he is 19, another that they both are very young and poor and both work in the A-lot when money is running low, and finally one of Patti’s 40 year old “clients” claims to be in love with her and is very creepy and is a stalker. If they are able to stay together by the end of the book I will know that maybe they really are truly in love. On the other hand they have already had lots of fights and because of all the obstacles it might be very hard to stay together. I mean if you are really actually in love with someone how much would you be willing to do for them? How far would you be willing to go to protect them? I think that Alexander is willing to do anything for her. He has even said it himself in the book.

Alexander and Patti are love birds but for ever is the question? How could you know that you really love someone at 14!? Especially when the person you think you love is 6 years older and the both of you are always drunk and high on some sort of drug. Love should be special and sweet and romantic. Not a 14 year old girl doing drugs and other things with a 19 year old boy. It kind of disturbs me because Patti is about my age and I would never do anything of the things she is doing right now. But on the other hand who am I to judge I haven’t been in love so what do I know? One thing I do know though is that both are headed down bad paths and I wonder where all this is going to lead them.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian

I just finished reading “The absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian.” By Sherman Alexie. This book was mainly about a boy named Junior who is growing up on the Spokane Indian reservation. Born into a very poor family, he battles friendship, growing up, and learning to fit in and find his way. When he decides to leave the reservation and attend a school where it is all white kids, some people from home look down on him, especially his best friend Rowdy. Junior learns that maybe what he thought his life was going to turn out to be was wrong. He realizes that you only get one life, and if that means leaving the only place you know to find who you are, it’s worth it.

In this book there are a lot of ideas about setting yourself free and doing what you actually believe in. In the book Junior has grown up on this sad, poor reservation, watching his father be a drunk who didn’t fu-fill his dream of becoming a musician and watching his mother who is extremely smart but couldn’t go to college because she was too poor. Also Juniors sister just sits in their basement all day doing nothing because she is out of school but has no job or boyfriend or anything. Seeing all this makes him just feel like he is going to be a failure too so he prepares himself for the worst. When you are surrounded by people who don’t push themselves and don’t try it temps you to do the same, no mater if it’s in life or a school project. If one person gives up everyone else is just like well I might as well give up too. I feel for Junior because he is really smart and in the beginning of the book he kind of just goes along with his life, when in the back of his mind he knows he has to get off this reservation and into the real world. It’s really hard sometimes when you know that you belong somewhere else(just like junior) but you don’t know how to get there. It’s scary when you have known something all your life and watched people around you give up, but in your heart you know that you can do better then them.

Finally when Junior makes the decision to attend a really good school a little bit off the reservation, filled with only white kids, it’s a big scary step for him. Even though his parents support him, lots of other people don’t. People on the “rez” look down on him and think he is betraying them, and their culture, and everything they have always known. The thing is I understand that they might feel that way, but how dare they when they are all failures themselves. It makes me really angry because this kid is actually trying to do something with his life and he is the only one that was brave enough to step off this reservation, so how can they get mad at him for wanting to achieve things in life? That would make me really mad if I were Junior. What would you do if you really believed you had to do something, but all the people that you knew, totally went against you? I understand that the people living on the reservation might feel like white people were terrible to Indians so how could Junior leave, but the thing is he they aren’t seeing what’s really important here. What’s really important is the fact that Junior actually decided to be different and accomplish something in life, even though all the people around him didn’t.

This is a really amazing book filled with humor but also really important lessons about life in general. Even though Junior goes through some struggles he makes it through and maybe even changes the ways of his reservation. 

The Perks of being a Wallflower

I just finished reading “The perks of being a wallflower” by Stephen Chobsky. This book is definitely now one of my favorites. In this book Charlie the main character is writing letters to an unknown person about his life. You can always tell from the beginning there might be something a little off about Charlie but you don’t know why. This book follows Charlie through his first, tough year in high school, the friends he makes, and the ones he doesn’t. We are also brought into the world of his family which is also a little messed up at times. His world explores girls, drugs, dating, but most importantly trying to fit it and still be true to yourself. Charlie is an unusual kid, who has special adventures through high school, and trying to find himself.

In life there are many issues about fitting in and being a part of something. When Charlie makes these friends who are sort of different from everyone else, who are also seniors it changes him. For once in his life he feels like he can actual feel and think the things he wants to without being put down for them. Charlie has never really been accepted for who he is, he has also sort of just been well a wallflower. Sometimes it’s really hard to find yourself and who you are at such a young age. It’s even more difficult to be trying to figure yourself out, but at the same time fit in. Kids every so often choose to be something they’re not to fit in, instead of being who they are to make a difference. Charlie suddenly found himself in a new light with people that loved him for him. He found people that let him in. That was really powerful to see.

In the book you watch Charlie become and try all these different things but he still manages to stick to his friends and himself. Even though he is kind of a funny kid who is reading constantly, and is very young spirited in a way, he still is doing all these things, like kissing, drugs, girls. I think all these experimental things have to do with identity. Identity also has a lot to do with “fitting in” and being accepted. When do you really know who you are? Sometimes you might wonder to yourself are there people out there like me? Are there people out there who will let me in because I am me? Even now I do feel accepted and I do have friends, but there are always times when I feel like wait, like who am I? I am a different person from all these other people, but still somehow we manage to come together as one and accept each other. I think other people are also definitely apart of your identity. In the story Charlie makes these friends who are like him in some ways and not like him in other ways. After he makes these friends they become some of the most important people in his life. In a way they help make up who Charlie is now.

Another idea in this book and the world that relates to the idea of fitting in and identity, is change. As you get older you change emotionally, physically, and mentally. When you do different things when you get older like drugs and dating ect. it makes up the kind of person you are in that moment. When you were a child and you sang and danced and played in the playground, that was what made up the kind of person you were then. I wonder do you lose those old things? Do the new things and experiences take place of the old you, or do they just add on? Charlie is trying all these things he never knew or thought about, and he approaches them in a very child like manner. I wonder does the fact he tried new things and made new friends change him as a person, or do they jus make up more of him. I think you are still the old you in a way but you are also someone new and different who has done new things and had cool new experiences. I think all of the memories in your life, and the kind of books you read, and the music you listen to, and the friends you make, whether it’s now in the moment or back then make up your whole you-your whole identity.

Charlie changes from kid to teenager to kid again and back to teenager. It’s so interesting to see Charlie go through the things he does with the people he does it with. Even though he is still young he is old in some ways. But he is also very childlike in others. I loved this book with all my heart. It’s really heartfelt, sad, and happy. You watch Charlie find himself and his people, while learning to do that for yourself along the way.

The adoration of Jenna Fox

I am currently reading the book “The Adoration of Jenna Fox” by Mary E. Pearson. This book is mainly about a girl named Jenna who is in a car accident. When she awakens from a year long coma she doesn’t remember anything about her life. Who she is, who her family is, who her friends are(if she had any), and anything about the accident. Jenna’s parents give her home videos of her life in chronological order up until year 16. Jenna watches the video’s. At first Jenna remembers nothing but slowly some very strange memories start coming back to her that usually normal people wouldn’t remember, such as being baptized. Jenna is very confused about what is happening and who she is. Jenna also has a very complicated relationship with her parents. In this book there are many internal and external conflicts. Some with her parents and some within herself.

There are a couple external conflicts within the story, involving Jenna’s parents especially her mother. When Jenna first wakes up she doesn’t know who her own mother is. Imagine waking up one day and not knowing who your own mother is. It would be pretty scary for you and your mother. When Jenna first comes out of the coma her mother is desperate to help her try to remember things about her life. She is eager to help and protect Jenna. Her mother feels the need to shield Jenna from the rest of the world. On one hand I feel for the mother. How terrible would it be to have a child that doesn’t remember you at all. I mean I think that I would be just as desperate to revive her memory. In life parents care so much about their children they are willing to do anything for them, but what are you supposed to do when you are put in that tough place, trying to get your child to remember you? I understand that her mother might be in denial about what has actually happened to her daughter and making sure where she is at every minute might be a way of coping.

On the other hand I feel more for Jenna. The reason I feel this way is because Jenna is thrown into this situation where this woman is hugging her and saying I love you, but she doesn’t exactly know who this woman is. Jenna has to call her mother and hug her back but only cause she doesn’t know what else to do. I don’t know what I would do if I was put in that position. Jenna knows that her mother desperately wants her to remember things about her life but it’s hard because at first she really doesn’t remember. She wants to please her mother but she doesn’t know how.

As the book progresses Jenna’s relationship with her mother becomes more heated. As Jenna also starts to remember more and more her relationship becomes even worse. Even from just watching the home videos Jenna can tell that her and her mother have a unspoken tension between them. As Jenna starts to remember more and more about her life she wants to know more and more about the accident. I think that the reason that her mother doesn’t talk about the accident is because she might also be in denial about this. I think it would be hard for anyone to have to sort of start their life over. If you were the mother of someone this was happening to, it would be painful to see your child not having any recollection of you or anything else. You might want to have a fresh start and forget the past. But I also feel like Jenna has a right to know what happened to her. If she ever got up the courage to just ask her mother about it, I wonder if her mother would tell her or not.

There are also a lot of internal conflicts in this story. One big internal conflict is that when Jenna watches all those home videos of herself as a child and a teenager she sees a perfect child. She sees a happy go lucky kid being filmed at soccer games, ballet recitals, and surrounded by friends. Seeing this smiling girl must make her feel really crappy. I mean Jenna isn’t this girl anymore. Watching the videos Jenna feels like an imposter. She feels like she doesn’t belong in her body. The girl she sees on the tapes and the girl whose body she’s in now are completely different. How would you feel if you felt like you didn’t belong. In the real world there are plenty of situations where you can feel like you don’t belong, at school, with your friends, if you’re in a weird situation with no one you know. Imagine feeling like you don’t belong on this Earth or in your body, not because of other people but because of yourself.

Jenna’s mother desperately wants her to be that girl again. That happy, pretty, smiling Jenna. But she isn’t. How would you feel if you felt like you had some one else’s shoes to fill. If your own parents were searching for a the old you. The old you, you can’t remember. In life mothers put pressure on you about lots of things, and there are lots of unspoken expectations with mothers sometimes. What if that unspoken expectation was to remember your old self and go back to your old self you don’t know. That would be pretty darn hard to do. I sympathize with Jenna because she wants to please her mother so very much but she can’t. It’s kind of like living in the shadow of someone else, but the shadow is also you. Jenna is kind of having an inner battle with herself about everything in her life. Was she meant to die? Was she even supposed to be on this earth anymore? Maybe that car accident was supposed to be the end for her, so how can she go on living like this?

Another internal conflict would be the fact that Jenna can’t remember the simplest things in life like the definitions of simple words. Memory is a pretty scary and amazing thing. Yes there are primary documents, and video tapes, ect. but how can you really be sure something happened? You can be sure something happened because you know it did in your mind, your memory. But what if none of that actually happened. It’s crazy to think about but what if everyone was like Jenna? What if once something happened it was gone forever from our minds. Jenna is having to look up the definitions of words she doesn’t remember. That’s crazy. It’s an internal conflict because she can’t remember things that she knows she knew before but can’t figure it out. It takes time just like anything else, but does she even know what time is? There are all these huge questions that are hard to answer but they are something to think about in terms of life and memory and moments.

Jenna is an interesting girl with lots of conflicts inside her and out. I wonder what will happen to her next as she tries to recall the events of her life. Will she ever remember them, or are they lost in a sea of past things that have vanished forever?

Am I Blue?

I just finished reading "Am I Blue?" by Bruce Coville. This story is mainly about a boy named Vince who is being bullied because he is gay. One day after being pushed down into a puddle by a bully, suddenly his "fairy godfather" appears and tells him he is there to grant Vince 3 wishes. At first Vince thinks he's going crazy and must be imagining it, but when his fairy godfather gets water on his pants and  with the snap of his fingers it goes away, it's almost like magic. His fairy godfather tells him his name which is Melvin and soon enough we find out Melvin is also gay. Melvin teaches Vince many things about life and being gay in general. Melvin shows Vince things he hasn't seen before.

In this story and in life there are a lot of ideas about how being gay is a bad thing. Society has come up with these ideas that are so generic. A man and a woman fall in love and marry, not people of the same sex. In this story Melvin talks to Vince about how gay people are forced to hide because society has made it such a bad thing. For ex. he says "If gay people hadn't been forced to hide for so long if we could just openly identify ourselves there would be plenty of people you knew that you could ask for advice. Everybody knows gay people they just think they don't." This is a powerful statement because what he is saying in my opinion is true. I mean why do we as people feel the need to push others, who might I add, are just like us, into categories based on who they love, what they look like, or what religion they practice. In this world many people are in denial about knowing gay people when really tons of people out there are.

In this story Vince is still trying to figure out whether or not he's gay. I think Vince himself might also be in denial about it. If people in this world were more accepting of one another, maybe kids like Vince would have an easier time admitting to themselves that they are in fact gay. If people in this world just accepted the fact that yes there are gay people in the world, and yes it's okay it would be easier, instead of forcing people to hide their identities.  For ex in the text another thing Melvin says to Vince is "So all the straights would have to stop imagining that they didn't know know gay people. They would find out that there are gay cops,teachers,soldiers,parents, and kids. The hiding would finally have to stop." Melvin is also proving some of my points in the sense that once again people are putting gays into categories based on certain things about them when really we should be realizing and accepting they are just like the rest of us they do jobs just like the rest of us do. We are all flawed, not because of religion, or race, or who we love, but because we are human.

In the story Vince is being bullied because he is gay. In the beginning of the story one of the first lines is the bully saying to Vince "You little fruit I'll teach you to look at me!" This really makes me wonder about this bully. Is he bullying Vince because he actually feels threatened by Vince? Is he bullying him because he has other issues with himself and is finding any reason to bully him, or is it because going back to the idea that all this kid's life (meaning the bully who's name is butch(ironic right) ) he has probably been taught that being gay is bad, being gay is being a sissy, being gay is being different. In life lots of kids don't like to stand out. They don't to look different or say something that people might disagree with. I think because all the his life Butch has grown up in a society(just like the rest of us) where the idea of being gay is a bad thing. I think that this is maybe the reason he could be bullying Vince.

In the story at the end Melvin is talking to Vince about gay fantasies. He says one of the gay fantasies is turning every gay person in the world the color blue, this way the rest of the world would be able to see who is gay and then they would have to realize there are plenty of people who are gay. As one of his wishes Vince makes that fantasy become a reality. He asks Melvin to turn all the gay people in the world blue and Melvin does. As his next wish Vince wishes to turn Butch the bully blue as well. When Melvin goes to do it there's one problem-Butch is already blue as the night sky. I think this is a huge moment in the story because you really never know who is gay or not. I think this is proving my point earlier because Butch probably did grow up all his life thinking being gay was a bad thing and bullying others is his way of dealing with it. It's definitely not a good way of dealing with it. Especially because in the story we learn that actually Melvin was actually killed by bullies( we don't know if they were gay or not.) Which is pretty awful.

Finally my last point is that Melvin uses the word faggot very casually. For example Melvin says "Listen honey the world is crawling with faggots." Vince looks shocked. Melvin then says "Taking language back is one way to jam up the grinder my friends and I call each other Faggot and queer . People do that because to take the words back. Society has made that word so ugly terrible but they shouldn't have to be such hateful words because we have made them to be. Those words should be able to be claimed back.

This story is very powerful and there are a lot of messages to the reader and Vince. He learned that society yes has made being gay a bad thing but he learned that there are a lot of people out there just like him he didn't know about before. Now Vince learned to accept himself more as a person while realizing that he's not alone.

Drummer boy of Shiloh

I just finished reading "The Drummer boy of Shiloh" by Ray Bradbury. This story is mainly about a 14 year old boy named Joby who is the drummer boy for the army. He ran away from home and the only thing he has is his drum. When he is alone at night the general comes to talk to him about the battle that lays ahead. At first Joby is afraid, but under the general's influence Joby learns to be stronger.

 In this story there are a lot of ideas about manhood. What does it even mean to be a man? Joby is what only 14 years old and he has already run away from home to become a drummer boy. When the general comes up to talk to him he asks Joby "Do you shave yet boy?" The fact that the general even has to ask this is just proving that Joby is a boy.
 
I think that being confidant definitely has something to do with growing up and being big and strong.  In the beginning of the story Joby feels lost, alone, and scared. It even says in the story "Joby felt his family move farther off into the dark." This quote is saying he is just a boy small and afraid, the only thing he has is that drum. He actually feels his family moving farther away. I wonder if his family even knows where he is. In life I think that being a child, or a boy is also being vulnerable and childlike. When you're a child you are allowed to be afraid, but when you become a "man" there is more pressure to become big, strong, confidant, and ready to leave you family behind. 

When the general comes to talk to Joby at first the general says to him "Are you ready for the battle tomorrow?" Joby says "I think." By saying "I think" gives the reader the idea he's not sure, he's still scared, he's still a boy not a man. 

Toward the end of the story when the general has talked to Joby about how imp0rtant he is and how much this army needs him and how he (Joby) is the heart of the army, it changes him. Then the general says again "Are you ready for the battle tomorrow?" Joby then says "Yes sir!" Now Joby is stronger and more confidant in himself. He was able to realize that he is important. He was also able to realize he too can be a man just like the rest of them. 

In the world I think there is a lot of talk about when a boy becomes a man. When does Joby become a man? Does he become a man at all? I think because this story took place in the 1800's expectations of when children grew up were much sooner then they are now. Joby is only 14 years old, but that wasn't considered that young back then. For boys out there would you leave everything at this age or a little older to join the army, not matter if it was to be a drummer boy or actually fight? Would you leave home, love, shelter, and kindness? I know I wouldn't.  What even pushes people to join the army? The love of their country? Are they forced into it? Do they really believe in the cause? I mean I do love my country,  but on the other hand I don't think I would be able to risk my life. It may sound selfish and I am so grateful for people that do it but I don't think I could. 

Joby becomes a man at heart by the end. He realizes that he too just like all the other soldiers are important. For him to realize this it took the general to help him. Sometimes in life it does take another person to help or influence you in order to see something you didn't see before. 

In the beginning and end of the book it also mentions peach blossoms falling from the trees. I think this also symbolizes manhood in the sense that peach blossoms are only blossoms. They are soft, childlike, and not yet a peach -or in this case a man. When the peach blossoms fall in the beginning of the story it shows how Joby himself isn't a man yet. When they fall again at the end, in my mind it shows how he has changed and learned more about what it means to be a man. 

The peach blossoms haven't yet bloomed and maybe neither has Joby but he has learned a lot. Maybe Joby isn't physically a man yet and maybe he doesn't totally have to be, and maybe the idea of being a man doesn't have to be so stereotypical. But no matter if Joby became a man or not he definitely changed from scared to confidant, and that in my opinion relates from boy to man. 

Joby learned a lot about himself throughout the story. He learned he is important and to be confidant in himself no matter what happens in the future, good or bad. 

Response to book that I read over the summer; A long walk to water

A long walk to water is a very moving, hooking, and educational tale. This dual narrative follows two stories, both taking place in Sudan. One is in  2008 about a girl named Nya who walks 8 hours a day to a pond in order to get water for her family. The other story takes place in 1985 and is about a boy named Salva  and his war-torn village. When he gets separated from his family he goes on a determined march through Africa with a group of people from his village who are also lost. He is searching for safety, food, but most importantly his family. These two stories eventually cross in the most surprising, yet moving way.

I would have to say that both Salva and Nya are the protagonists. Both have conflict, Nya's being that she has to walk 8 hours a day to try and find clean water for her family but especially for her sick sister. You immediately begin to try to sympathize with her because having clean water is a gift that many of us take for granted. Whenever there is a character that is struggling for something you have, it makes you think about how lucky you are to have that thing no matter if it's water or anything else. Also whenever a character is struggling you feel bad for them which makes you like the character much more. Nya is a quiet character but we,(the reader's) get to hear some of her thoughts which definitely makes you see things about her that people on the outside wouldn't get to see, if you weren't in her head. Even though the story is written in third person you still get more of an idea of what she's thinking about then if you were on the outside.

Salva is probably even more so  the protagonist then Nya is.  His struggle is probably even worse. When he is separated from his family and walking alone with strangers he doesn't know, all you want to do is reach out and give him a hug, but obviously you can't because it's a book. Anyway Salva is a special character. You watch him go through a struggle but you also watch him get even stronger.

Salva  changes a lot through this book. In the beginning he is scared, alone, and afraid. At first he has no one he knows and thinks all his family is dead. But when he sees that his uncle is in the same group as him he is overjoyed. His uncle pushes him to keep going and to stay strong even though he is hungry thirsty and ready to give up. Salva watches his uncle die right before his eyes and that makes him want to find safety and his family even more. I think that in life sometimes the terrible things that happen also shape us as people. After Salva was able to re-unite with his family and come out alive what he wanted to do was to help others and find clean water and safety for others before they would even have to imagine going through what he went through. Even though Salva had to watch terrible things happen to people he cared for, it made him a fighter in the end. It also made him a better person, a  person who wanted to work and to help others- others like Nya who didn't have clean water, and that's what Salva ended up doing.

Salva and Nya both had major conflicts and also minor conflicts. The major ones being war, and no clean water. The minor ones being wanting to find your family and trying to get your sick sister better. No matter how big the conflict is there is always another person or thing holding you back. I don't necessarily think that there was one specific antagonist, considering there was more then one story to follow but I think that the whole idea of mean bad people standing in their way, like evil men who killed Salva's uncle ect.

Both Salva and Nya learn and change through the story. They both learn to fight through struggle and in the end if you fight as hard as you can and you get lucky you will pull out in the end. This is a very moving story and I liked it a lot. I would also highly suggest it to others to read(if I didn't spoil it too much!)